I’m sharing a post here from August 2017.
The day before, my husband had a revelation of sorts and decided to share all the details of our crumbling marriage.
You see, my husband is an addict (now in recovery, praise Jesus). He was getting clean at the time and feeling guilty for the things he had done to our family and needed an outlet.
I’m not bitter about it. I’m actually thankful. He broke the ice for me to reach out to other people to help ME.
I had spent so long trying to help HIM that I had forgotten about myself.
I want any one reading this to know I am here for you, in any form you need me if you’re going through something stressful.
I plan to elaborate on my marriage woes, and my husband’s addiction.
So, you may be confused for now if you’re a newbie here, but I promise if you follow along you’ll see the happy ending and all of the in between. ❤️
Below is the Facebook post from August.
“I’ve never been one to be shy about my life and the things I’ve been through. I am real and honest, sometimes to a fault. I have written this post out several times in the past. Not because I want to blast my business, but because I want my situation to not be in vain.
I want other women, or couples to know that they aren’t alone. You’d never know from the perfect profile pictures what people are going through. I don’t think Facebook is a place to air your dirty laundry, but I know that in my darkest times, it has helped me to realize I’m not alone.
Everyone has something they are dealing with, and a lot of times they are doing it alone. I’ve been hesitant to share all the details of my situation out of fear.
What would people say?
How weak is she for staying in that mess?
I was afraid people would judge my husband. I was terrified for someone to have bad things to say about either of us. I still haven’t wrapped my head around the fact that not everyone will have something nice to say, but that’s OK.
I’ve lived through a lot of “I would never’s”.
I would never tolerate verbal abuse. I would recognize if someone was gaslighting me. I would never stay after someone cheated. I would never… Not me.
We all know how that works out. I’ve always tried to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even when I couldn’t see it, I would think about how amazing our testimony would be one day.
How many people it would help to tell what we’ve made it through. (We may still have that one day. Or we may have our own separate testimony to share.)
I got so caught up in wanting to help other people, I forgot to help myself. This is new news to most of you, but it’s old news to me.
My marriage has been through more than most in the last four years. I thought I was dealing with it well, but I realized I had just been blocking it out. I wasn’t actually coping and working through things.
I went to a very dark place. It was not pretty. I pushed everyone away because I was ashamed of the place I had let myself get to. I hid it for a long time, but people caught on eventually.
My mind is clearing now, and I’m starting to feel more like myself again. I know that God has a plan for my life, and a purpose for the pain. My kids are so loved, my family stands behind me, and my friends would do anything for me.
I am so grateful for the kind messages I’ve gotten and they mean so much.
But I need everyone to know, I don’t need your sympathy. I invite your prayers and encouragement, but don’t pity me. I am doing my job. I’m not doing anything special by loading my kids up for ball practice or getting them to school 10 minutes late. This is what I do. Everyday. And I will continue to do it, happily (but sometimes crying).
I share those things because I’m tired of thinking I’m the only shit mom out there in the world.
I want people to know that flaws are OK. Mental health is such a taboo subject. Especially for women and mothers who literally keep other humans alive.
I am in no way patting myself on the back, but I’ve always been the type of person to put other people’s needs first. I am a fixer. I like to know I’ve made someone smile. I’m thankful for the people who have done that in return for me. I could never say how grateful I am for my family who has not only had my back, but Aaron’s too.
They LOVE, and that means so much. I’m thankful for my friends, who even after I’ve ignored them and come up with every excuse not to hang out, they are still there for me. ❤️
This post isn’t because I owe anyone an explanation. It’s for me. So people know when I say, “reach out, you have no judgement from me” that I mean it. You don’t have to go through whatever it is alone.”
Part 2 to follow…